Dearest lovely Tumblr,

I have neglected you once again.  I can see now that the ripples of my absence have disrupted the very foundations of the internet.  Psych.

About four months ago I had this really nuts injury.  The sort that alters a persons life forever.  By this I mean in both the physical and mental way.

Physically, for fuck’s sake where do I begin?  I’ll start with the facts: right  as I entered the OR.  I had an ‘incision’ going diagonally from the ulnar bone down the inside of my arm across to the radius.  this ‘incision’  looked more like a giant strip of hamburger meat… or brains… protruding from my arm.  
my hand was ischemic for five hours.  
the median and ulnar nerves were both severed
all of my flexor tendons were severed
my ulnar artery was severed

When I came to in the ambulance the first question I was asked was ‘Are you suicidal?’  Which is funny now… probably only to me.

The point here is, I had an excellent surgeon who was able to salvage a hand that had no blood supply for over four hours, repair a severed artery with a vein graft, sew together 10+ tendons and salvage two damaged nerves. He also performed a fasciotomy, salvaging my whole arm from the elbow down from compartment syndrome. 

that all sounds really nice.
it really is.
I should have a hook for a hand.

Not to mention an infection from (the sort of injury i had) that would steal my hand from me regardless of how expert my surgeon was.  
I should have had a skin graph, but I healed too quickly.

god dammit i should not have a hand, in fact i should have bleed to death. 

Mentally, things are going really well.  Mostly I have learned to live with my injury.  But the future holds questions for me. 

questions of how i’ll deal with questions about my arm 

questions about how i’ll be intimate with other people 

questions of how i’ll hold the child I may one day have. 

It’s rough. 
but I am here, and I am alive, and I have a mother fucking hand. 

how’s  that for fate?